The Toilet Paper Scam

A cranky old lady’s guide to some 21st century rip-offs

Am I the only one who has noticed how hard it is to find a regular roll of toilet paper these days? What used to be a single roll has ceased to exist, and triple rolls are replacing doubles as the new norm. When I shop, I am so confused by the packages that promise they are the equivalent of 72 rolls of toilet paper. What does that even mean? And why doesn’t a roll of today’s toilet paper fit on the holder in my bathroom?

I can smell a scam so I actually measured the width of my old preferred brand, Cottonelle. It is only 3 ¾ inches wide. So I switched to Northern, which is 4 inches wide. Can’t fool me, right? Except Northern comes in two or three plies. My intuition is that three plies is more than anyone needs and makes the roll last less long, but now it seems to be more the norm for that brand. By the way, toilet paper used to be 4 ½ inches wide. Another trick is companies use is decreasing the number of rolls per package yet charging the same. Or making the inner tubes bigger so it appears I am getting more, thus the triple roll sizing. We are definitely paying more and getting less.

I remember when the biggest controversy about toilet paper was color. If you are a boomer, you probably remember colored toilet paper, which first appeared in the fifties. In the era before huge showers, double sinks, granite countertops, and vanities, most bathrooms were pretty boring. The way to fancy them up was color. Toilets, tubs, sinks and tile came in an array of eye-popping colors. Thus, towels and toilet paper were also color coordinated.

This led to a huge controversy as folks started to worry that the dyes in colored toilet paper could be harmful to their skin. Add to that the environmental concerns about producing the dye and polluting of water, and colored toilet paper disappeared. I remember wondering if a pale color would be okay to buy and was grateful when white became the norm again and I had to find a different way to make my bathroom look cool. Or not, which is the route I went.

Toilet paper illustrates the way consumers are manipulated. We have the illusion that we are getting more. More choice. More value. More in each package. Why buy four rolls when you can schlep the equivalent of 72 rolls home and struggle to find a place to store it? But in reality, more is often less. You just have to do the toilet paper math.

In the greater scheme of consumer fraud, the toilet paper rip-off is hardly a big deal. On the other hand, maybe toilet paper is a metaphor for lots of the ways we are manipulated into paying more and getting less. Or paying for things we don’t even need or use. Take my car…please.

When I bought a 2016 Honda CRV, I thought I wanted some safety features, and this car does have a backup camera. I guess that’s a good thing, except that it’s really hard to see the display when the sunlight is hitting it, making it more of a distraction than just checking the rear-view mirror. The other unique feature of my car is the right turn mirror camera. I still have no idea what its purpose is other than if knowing if there are cars coming up in the right lane when I want to move into it and use my right turn signal. I can see if bikes are approaching when I make a right turn, and that’s actually an unintended good idea, but otherwise Honda Lane Watch is another distraction for me. When I turn left, all of the car’s functions work. When I have my right turn signal on, several things stop working.

Yes, I’m sure I don’t know how to work most of the car’s electronics properly. I’m going to guess most consumers don’t. In fact, friends who have later model cars than mine with even more “safety features” are so distracted by these things that they have had more fender benders than in their older, less safe cars. Putting that aside, if your mirror is damaged like mine was, replacement is mighty costly.

As with most car parts these days, the mirror is mostly plastic and easily broken if something hits it. When that happened to me, I was shocked that a new mirror with the camera I find useless and distracting costs $500. I asked if I could have an old-fashioned plain mirror instead. No dice. I had to pay a ridiculous amount for something I don’t even want. To add insult to injury, my mechanic can’t reprogram the Lane Watch camera feature and this is what I see when I signal a right turn:

Unless I attempt a DYI effort via YouTube instructions, I will have to take the car to the dealer and likely pay to have a feature I don’t even want reprogrammed.

Like bigger packages of triple sized toilet paper, safety features on new cars sound like a good deal for consumers. In reality, they are an even better deal for the manufacturers. They can charge a lot more for these things they convince us we want and need. But I was fine with toilet paper that actually fit on the holder. And I am far less distracted driving a car without so many electronic safety features and screens that are hard to see in the daylight. Am I the only one who feels scammed by these improvements?

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Read Laurie’s blog posts on Midcentury Modern here.